This past Monday the Unicorn Exchange team meeting took an interesting turn.
Right now our community is diving into the book Atomic Habits by James Clear. We’ll be reading it for the entire month, so you’re more than welcome to join the Unicorn herd in this quest if you’d like.
The staff call dwindled down to just 3 of us talking about the book.
Admittedly, all 3 of us ladies are very ‘all or nothing’ individuals. We are more of Hare vs Tortoise type of people. We often say ‘fuck you’ to the slow and steady approach to life. All 3 of us will admit we enjoy this type of lifestyle. At the same time, we’re hyper-aware of the consequences and consistency is our arch nemesis.
Because let’s face it, the Hare is the type to be fixated for some time until a new distraction takes over. When that bunny gains speed, she gains ground. But, when it’s time to pause. We drop hard.
Usually in this slow down period comes a wave of depression, loneliness, and questioning every. single. thing. Especially, any victories that you previously celebrated.
If you’re the Hare type you’re totally relating to this and I need not explain more.
If you’re a Tortoise, you are a lovely tiny, shelled unicorn and thank the Universe for your kind.
Back to our Monday meeting... 3 Hares talking about habits, success, and how we’re going to tackle the week. One of the girls brings up that the book Atomic Habits is bringing up a bit of regret in not being consistent with habits that haven’t stuck.
I am relating hard at this point. Hindsight is such a love-hate relationship.
Where would I be if I just did 15 minutes of writing a day or those 30 push-ups every morning?
I’d actually have those Summer arms that could handle the all the rock climbing and adventuring this Summer. (Though let’s be honest, that’s just insecurity, I’m super capable).
As we’re diving into theories on why a few of our envied habits haven’t stuck, we have our 3rd party that is LIVING. She has been adventuring for 2 weeks hasn’t kept a single one of her habits since stepping on the plane and has been more productive than she has been in months.
But that shouldn’t be! If you haven’t kept your habits you shouldn’t be successful, things shouldn’t be better!
It was one of those moments of clear contrast that makes you think, “Hmm what’s the lesson here”.... A new limiting belief came bubbling up to the surface. The limiting belief that success looks like XYZ. The belief that there are actually specific habits that everyone should follow to be successful. Trust me, I know this is bullshit. But, at that moment it was obvious that this is something I was still feeling. Probably, because I am a control freak and it’s comforting to know that the reason I am not where I want to be in any aspect of my life is that I’m not checking one of the boxes I need to check.
Fast forward to today, I’m reading the last few chapters of the book and everything becomes full circle.
James Clear begins to talk about how not all habits are for everyone. (Shocker). A simple truth. Don’t force a habit that you’re never going to like. Don’t make a habit of writing at 8 am every morning for 30 minutes if you’re not the type to be so rigid with your schedule or even be a morning person for that matter. Instead, try the habit of writing first thing when you get to your favorite coffee shop for your weekly americano. The later is much more appealing to me and my personality, and obviously what’s happening real time over here.
James Clear preaches that there is a derivative of every habit you’d want to create that would be something you enjoy.
If you’re struggling with habits or lack-of-habit regret it’s probably a time to reframe your relationship with the word and start getting creative by instilling habits you like.
Stop trying to be the carbon copy of the success of others. Take their advice, if you like their system run with it. If you don’t like the system, but you like the principle figure out how to make it your own. Learn as many things from as many other people as you can and make it your own.
Your habits create your habitat but the reverse applies too.
Ultimately your habits are ment to get you to a specific end state. They’re ment to create a habitat for you to life to be a bit more on autopilot. If that end state is traveling the world with a successful business, maybe you don’t need to do a facebook live everyday at noon. Maybe you just need to get on a plane.
Have a why to your habits, make your habits something you like, make your habits and habitat flow. There should be about 10% resistance to starting a new habit. Habits shouldn’t be pulling teeth, they should be like braces. Weird analogy, but true.